Make sure you’ve got your steel-reinforced umbrella when you head out today, considering NASA’s 20-year-old research satellite will be showering the earth with chucks of scalding metal debris. Now, NASA says that the chances of someone down here being hit by one of those chunks are 1 in 3,200. But, since there are roughly seven billion people on earth, that seems like pretty good odds to me.
To prepare for this event, I’ve traded my car in for an Army surplus tank and reroofed my house with six-inch thick steel shingles, seeing as officials have also said; they can’t say exactly where the debris is due to land. How come we can put a man on the moon, but we can’t tell where the pieces of a satellite will land when they come crashing to earth?
Fox News even put a widget on their website, so we can watch our impending doom in real time. The problem is so many people are trying to watch that all you get is an error message. So, how am I supposed to know exactly when a huge piece of space trash is going to crush my lawn jockey?
Maybe Harold Camping was off again, and Armageddon is going to be today. I knew my old army helmet would come in handy one of these days.
